Zorpox and the Cheerleader
by MrDrP
Summary: Kim has a secret crush.  How will Ron react?  And what happens when Drakken and Shego get involved? [COMPLETE]


Thanks to campy for beta and proof-reading. A Henchco gift certificate is in the mail …

Write a review, you'll get a response.

If you saw it on KP, Disney owns it.

* * *

I. 

"Ron, we need to talk."

Ron Stoppable felt the bottom fall out of his stomach. We need to talk. The four most dreaded words in the dating vocabulary. Nothing good ever came of those words. They were like monkey ninjas, existing solely to deliver misery and suffering. They were the preliminary to statements like 'I think we should just be friends' or 'maybe we should see other people' or, worst of all, 'it's not you, it's me.'

Ron had hoped beyond hope he'd never hear those words cross Kim Possible's lips. But there was no denying the reality of what he had just heard. And he knew that if they stopped dating, things would be so awk-weird between them that their friendship would most probably be lost, too. _I knew I would mess everything up!_ he thought. _I just should've kept my mouth shut when we were tied up in that storeroom..._

He wasn't completely surprised, though. He'd seen the signs. Kim had been skittish and agitated in recent days. When they kissed, she seemed to be distracted. She even seemed to outright avoid him the last twenty-four hours.

He knew he wasn't good enough for her. There were definitely better-looking guys out there; smarter ones, too. Guys who worked harder, though he had been trying to apply himself ever since they began dating. Guys with a future. Guys like Josh Mankey. Maybe she would start dating him again.

Ron decided that he would suck it up and be a man. He'd do the right thing for Kim, even if it meant that his heart would break into a million pieces; if Kim wanted to end things, he'd go quietly.

Then maybe he'd learn about the joys of underage drinking.

II.

Kim braced herself. Saying what she had to say was going to be difficult. She had thought long and hard about the matter, but knew she could no longer avoid the subject. Not if she was going to be true to herself.

She hadn't known how to proceed; this was unfamiliar territory for her. And complicating matters it involved Ron, who was now not only her best friend, but her boyfriend. Fortunately for Kim, this particular dilemma had resolved itself since Ann Possible knew how to read her daughter, which wasn't overly difficult as Kim's frustration and tensions were writ large on her expressive face.

As Kim looked at Ron, she recalled the conversation with her mother.

"_What's bothering you, honey?" Ann asked as they sat at the kitchen table._

_Kim didn't even try to evade her mother's question._

"_It's Ron."_

"_Oh?"_

"_Yeah. I thought everything was great with us. But there's something I've been thinking about that I know I should discuss with him, but I so can't bring myself to …" she said as her shoulders sagged._

"_Well, do you want to tell me what the problem is?" Ann inquired._

_Kim looked warily at her mother. Then she began to fidget. Finally, she confided in her mother, speaking like a torrent of water blasting forth from a fire hose._

"_I see," Mrs. Possible said, looking at her eldest child. She considered what Kim said for a few moments, then put her hand on her daughter's forearm. "I think you need to tell him. If you can stare down villains and death rays, you can face the consequences of this. You owe it to Ron to be honest with him."_

III.

"Ron, we need to talk," Kim said with a gulp; the girl who could do anything was suddenly unsure of herself. She looked nervously at Ron, who sat beside her on the couch of the tree house. She had thought of asking him to meet her at Bueno Nacho, but concluded that this was a conversation they needed to have in private.

"Kim, I'll make it easy for you," he said, catching her by surprise. "I wholly understand why you wouldn't want to date me anymore. I know I'm a loser …" Ron hadn't planned on the pity fiesta; the festivities just began happening on their own. "… and I just want you to know that being your boyfriend these past few weeks has been badical. I – I'll always be your friend, KP. You need me …" sob "… you call me." Ron hated himself. He was bawling like a baby. Then it was Kim's turn to surprise him.

"Ron, what are you talking about?" she asked, somewhat caustically. She was supposed to be the one with the problem, not him.

"Huh?"

"I said, 'what are you talking about?'" she asked, a perplexed look on her face.

"You're breaking up with me. You said, quote, 'Ron, we need to talk,' unquote," he replied, confused.

"Ron, 'we need to talk' means 'we need to talk' not 'I want to break up with you.'"

"'Sha," Ron responded. "Everybody knows that the words 'we need to talk' are code for 'I want to break up with you.' It's in The Rules."

"Aargh!" Kim said, exasperated. "Not 'The Rules!' I so thought you put that behind you. Aren't we Exhibit A for why there are no rules?"

"Yeah, I guess maybe we are," he conceded. "Smart, pretty, cheerleader dates dumb loser. Yeah, that violates most, if not all, of 'em," he said, counting them off on his figures.

Kim smirked. "I was sort of thinking Teen Hero dates Partner Who Thinks Too Much."

"So, you really don't want to break up with me?" Ron finally asked, disbelief and relief mingling in his voice.

"No, you goofball. Why would I want to do that? Oh yeah, maybe because I've grown tired of being intimate with my best friend in the world who's a ferociously good kisser, who's always there for me, who cares about me more than anything in the world, who I enjoy being with more than anyone else I've ever met, who makes my heart beat faster, and who just happens to be my partner in fighting evil. Yeah, I guess I should break up with you," she said, playfully slapping her forehead. "Doy! To think I hadn't thought of those reasons sooner. Thanks, Ron!"

"Okay, now you're mocking me, Kim," Ron said defensively.

"Well, duh! You deserve it. Me break up with you. So not going to happen," she said airily.

Ron, who was finally beginning to relax, was caught off guard when Kim's demeanor quickly changed.

"Though," she continued, looking away from him, "you may want to break up with me."

"Huh?" Ron felt like he was suffering from mental whiplash. He was convinced that if he were a cartoon character smoke would be pouring out of his ears because the machinery of his brain would be overloading just about now. "Okay, KP, you've lost me. There's no way I would break up with the most bon-diggity girlfriend ever. Nuh uh."

"You haven't heard what I have to say …" Kim said, now fidgeting, a very unusual sight to Ron. She only did that when she was crushing on some guy …

No. There was just no way Kim was going to tell him that she'd cheated on him. Even thinking that was wrong-sick.

Which meant he was clueless and completely in the dark.

"Kim, whatever it is, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think," Ron said. "Look, if you could kiss me in front of everyone at the prom, you really can do anything."

To Ron's surprise, this last statement caused Kim to blush. She began to play with her hair and tap her foot. Then she took a deep breath and looked at Ron. "You're right. I'm Kim Possible. I can do anything and I can do this. I can tell you this." She took another deep breath, then said, "I have … fantasies."

"Excuse me?" Ron said, not sure that he'd heard what he thought he'd just heard.

"I said I have fantasies, okay?" she exclaimed, in what seemed to be a combination growl/whine.

Ron could see that saying this was hard for her; even he was smart enough to realize she was afraid that he'd be freaked out or revolted by what she'd been thinking. He reached over and took Kim's hand. He gazed into her eyes, trying to telepathically send strength to her. "It's okay, KP. You can tell me. But only if you want to …" Ron said, hiding any fear he may have had that these fantasies didn't include him and did include others.

"Okay. I, I – . Oh, Ron," Kim said flopping back into the couch cushion, "You're going to think I'm a freak or, or some kind of perv."

"KP, I'm the guy whose motto is 'Never be normal,' remember? Uh, wait a minute, don't make any inferences from that. I mean, aww man, I can't get anything right …"

Kim couldn't help but giggle as Ron became flustered. Kim's mirth in turn helped Ron regain his composure.

"… Look, you may spend a lot of time fighting freaks, but you are definitely not freaky. Hot, but not freaky," he said grinning as she both smiled and reddened. "I'm not gonna flake on you, Kim. Tell me what's up and we'll be chauncy."

"Weeelllll," Kim said, as she straightened herself, placed her hands on her knees, and drew yet another deep breath. "You know I sometimes like the bad boys ... "

Ron tried not to look crestfallen; he just knew that Kim was going to tell him she had some thing for Danny from Agony County.

"… Well, actually it's one bad boy," she said somehow finding the courage to stare Ron in the eye. "You."

"What?" Ron asked, now totally flummoxed.

"Well, not you. Though it is you, just not you you," Kim explained, blushing again while eliciting a lost expression from her boyfriend. "I mean, I hope by now you know that I really like you that way – and I so mean that, Ron. But this fantasy, it uh, well, you see, I mean, er, um …" Kim had begun wringing her hands. "Okay, I'm so crushing on Zorpox," she finally blurted out.

IV.

Ron looked at Kim for a moment. Then he smiled. Then he began laughing, long and hard, with youthful abandon. It was full-bodied belly laughing; not quite enough to send someone into a life of villainy, but pretty darned close.

Kim wanted to die. Ron was laughing at her. At her fantasy. She felt utterly foolish. Then she felt hurt. Then she felt tweaked. Finally, she felt angry. He was supposedly her best-friend/boyfriend. Yet he was laughing at her! And after she had just revealed a deep, personal secret. She was so not cool with that.

She stood up to leave.

"W-where are you going?" Ron managed to ask between fits of convulsive laughter.

"I'm leaving, Ron," she said evenly. "If the only thing you can do is laugh at me when I bare my soul to you, then maybe we should break up."

Ron stopped laughing, leapt up, and took Kim's hands.

"Whoa, KP. Listen to me, okay?"

She looked away from Ron.

"C'mon, Kim. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed. But that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say."

"Oh, I see … Ronald," she replied coolly. "My fantasy is not only laughable but dumb. I'm leaving. Now."

"KP, just listen to me," Ron replied as he blocked the exit. "I did not say your fantasy was the dumbest thing you'd ever said. Saying I'd break up with you wins that honor. And that's why I was laughing. Dump you because you have an active imagination? You think the guy whose first friend was an imaginary giant named Rufus is gonna have issues …" he said that making air quotes "… with your having a fantasy life? 'Sha!" he concluded with a dismissive wave of the hand.

"Really?" she asked, still needing reassurance that Ron wasn't weirded out by her revelation.

"Really," he said, sharing a gentle smile with her.

"So, we're okay?" Kim asked, feeling sheepish now that she knew her fears about the conversation had proven unfounded and that she'd once again jumped to conclusions.

"Of course," he said, leading her back to the couch. He then pulled up a chair, which he dropped into. "Zorpox, hmmm." he asked, sitting next to her like he was a talk show host. "I've heard of him. Blue guy. Badical villain moves. How long have you wanted to date the conqueror dude?"

"Well, actually, since I first met him," she said, unsure why Ron's talk-show format was enabling her to speak freely.

"Really?" Ron asked, taken by surprise. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Well, he kind of knows my best friend and it would have been …"

"Awk-weird?" Ron suggested.

"Yeah, awk-weird," she said smiling. "Then I thought he was interested in a ninja, and I got involved with …"

"He Whose Name Shall Not Be Mentioned In This Tree House," Ron finished for her, eliciting a sheepish grin.

"Yeah, but then I began dating this really neat guy, goofy grin, dreamy eyes, sexy ears, and I didn't know how he'd react to my crushing on Zorpox."

"From what I've heard of him, I bet he'd be cool with that," Ron said. "Anything else you want to tell your audience before we take a commercial break for our sponsor, Pop Pop Porter's Mini Corn Dogs?"

Kim looked around a little nervously, then confided in a shy voice. "When I'm with him I'm wearing my cheer squad uniform."

Ron just looked at Kim, then grinned. "This Zorpox guy sounds lucky," he observed. "I definitely think we need to fix you up with him!"

Kim looked at Ron for a long moment, then pulled him in for a long, sweet kiss. She couldn't believe how lucky she was to have him as a best friend and a boyfriend. There had never been another guy in her life that she could have spoken to like this.

After they finally succumbed to the need for air, Ron moved to the couch and Kim snuggled up against him.

"So, KP, you mind if I ask you a serious question?"

"Of course not," she answered, feeling an incredible sense of freedom now that she'd told Ron her fantasy and he'd responded positively.

"Why Zorpox? Why you in the cheer squad outfit?"

"Because, I, well, I guess I want, maybe even need, just one sitch where I'm not in control. You were really, really good at the villain thing, Ron. And when I'm wearing my cheerleader's uniform I feel like a normal girl and not a teen hero. In my fantasy I'm not the girl who can do anything, yet I also know I'm safe. I know I can not only count on you, but trust you. That's why I reacted the way I did a few minutes ago; I count on you to be my safe harbor and for a moment I thought you weren't. Sorry." She said, looking at her shoes, before looking back up at Ron. "Does any of that make sense?"

Ron, who had his arm wrapped around Kim, pulled her in closer and kissed the top of her head. "Yeah, it does KP. And it makes me feel like a million bucks worth of nacos to know you feel that way about me."

Kim sighed contentedly.

"So," Ron asked. "I've got game."

"Huh?" Kim replied.

"Zorpox and the Cheerleader. I'm game."

"R-really?" she asked a bit nervously. It was one thing to have a fantasy, another to share it with someone. But to have it come true …

"Yeah, I mean I won't do anything that hurts you or even feels like I'm hurting you. But I can put on the suit and muster a few evil laughs for you, Kimberly Ann Possible." He wiggled his eye brows, flashed her an evil grin, and let out a hearty 'booyahahahahaha.'

Kim reached up and caressed Ron's face. "You are too much, you know that, Ron?"

"I am what I is!" he said with pride, unable to not feel a bit cocky. He'd met Kim thinking she was going to dump him because he was inadequate, only to learn that he could offer her something that nobody else in the world could.

She laughed, then playfully swatted him. Then she got a look in her eye. "Okay, here's how I see the sitch unfolding …"

Ron listened attentively. "Uh huh, uh huh. Sounds like a plan, KP. How about next Friday?"

Kim liked the idea of doing this on a Friday. That was her Ron Night, after all.

V.

Friday night arrived.

Kim looked at herself in the mirror, admiring her cheer squad outfit, imagining Ron's reaction. She straightened her skirt, and, satisfied with her appearance, prepared to leave. She walked to her desk to retrieve the Kimmunicator, reached to pick it up, then decided against taking it. She was going to enjoy herself this evening. Wade could call GJ if anybody needed any help.

Kim and Ron weren't really planning on doing anything out of the ordinary. They'd just kiss and cuddle while wearing their respective get-ups. But to make it seem more authentic, Kim had hinted that Ron might find a seemingly villainous locale for their date She'd been thrilled when she found a note in her locker inviting her to a special Regional Cheer Squad Captains' meeting Friday at 8:00 at the Lairs R Us time share compound. She was impressed by her boyfriend's cleverness. No regular cheerleader, which is what she was supposed to be that evening, would have known what a time-share lair was. And given their history of being suckered into cheerleading-related traps, not once but twice, at Wannaweep, this setting seemed especially appropriate. Kim Possible, 'normal' cheerleader, wouldn't hesitate to accept this invitation.

She headed downstairs, hoping to avoid her parents, but had no luck.

Her mother grinned when she saw what Kim was wearing. "Why do I think this is going to be a big night for the Mad Dog?" Ann asked impishly, causing Kim to blush.

"Mom …" she hissed.

Unaware of the subtext of the conversation, James Possible said, "Well, I sure hope the home team scores big tonight!"

Kim turned a vivid shade of scarlet when her mother said to her father, "Oh, I'm sure the home team will, Dear!"

Kim quickly headed to the door, then waved. She was relieved as she left the house, still amazed that her mother could be so cool with this. Then again, Kim and her mother had had those talks and she knew her mother knew she and Ron wouldn't actually do anything bad and would only go so far. Now safely out of the house, Kim's imagination kicked into high gear as she climbed into the family minivan and drove off to her rendezvous with Zorpox the Conqueror.

VI.

Ron was ready. He was wearing his Zorpox costume and, thanks to the incredible resources to be found in his Movie Make Up Magic Kit, he even had blue skin. He found a mirror and admired his evil alter ego. "Who's da villain?" he asked his reflection before gleefully supplying the answer to his own question. "I'm da villain! Yup Yup! Zorpox is in the house!

He then surveyed the time-share lair. There were lots of places to plug in doomsday equipment, retractable shackles built into the walls and floor, an aperture in the ceiling through which a missile could be launched or a death ray fired. All told, he was pretty impressed. He strutted around the space, practicing his evil laugh. He knew the best place to be standing when Kim arrived would be the gantry; it was the classic villain's perch. 'Zorpox' made his way above and awaited the arrival of his guest.

VII.

Kim was pleased that she had made such good time driving over to time-share; she was very much looking forward to her evening with Ron. She checked in at the front desk and asked the receptionist where she'd find the Cheer Squad Captains' meeting. The man looked up at her for a moment and told her to go to Unit 3B. As Kim walked out the door, he shook his head, wondering what had become of the evil community. A villain with cheerleaders. Who'd a thunk it?

Kim walked across the compound to the unit. She pressed the button by the entry and watched the door panels slide open. The lighting inside was appropriately sinister. She grinned. This was all so weird, yet so exciting.

"Hello? Is anybody here? This is the cheerleaders' meeting, isn't it?" she asked innocently, eagerly awaiting Ron's move. Suddenly, shackles emerged from the floor, binding her wrists and ankles_. Okay, this is a bit much,_ she thought. _Then again, it's Ron and I trust him. So, so not the drama …_

A blue-skinned figure emerged from the shadows.

"Well, well, well. Look who's here – my teen-aged foe!"

Kim's smile disappeared, which wasn't all that surprising since she'd just been greeted by none other than Dr. Drakken.

"This is so not good," Kim muttered.

VIII.

Ron looked at his watch. Even if Kim often seemed to be running into meetings at the last possible moment, she was one of the most punctual people he knew. He used to wonder about her mania for schedules, then realized it was the only way she could stay on top of all of her commitments. That approach to her school and extracurricular life had spread to other parts of her life, too. She was definitely late; he wondered if she was having second thoughts about coming.

IX.

"Oh, this is too good," Shego crowed. "Kim Possible just shows up to be captured. I'm loving this!"

"Let—me—go!" Kim demanded as she struggled against her restraints.

"Oh, I don't think so," Drakken said serenely. "Now give me a few minutes and I'm sure I can think of a way to make the most of your unscheduled visit. I must have a neural compliance chip around here somewhere. Or maybe I could clone you …"

"No cloning!" Shego ordered with a vehemence Kim found shocking, though welcome.

After the glamorous henchwoman was sure her boss had fully comprehended her opposition to cloning (Shego rightly suspected that if Drakken successfully cloned Kim, he'd sooner or later try to clone her) she turned back to their captive and flashed a cruel smile.

"So, where's your dopey sidekick? He still at home trying to figure out how to tie his shoes?"

"So not funny, Shego," Kim snapped back, as she wondered just where Ron was.

X.

Ron had grown worried. He was about to call the Possibles but decided he should first make an inquiry at the registration desk.

The clerk, who was watching TV, looked up as Ron, costumed as Zorpox, entered. He turned down the volume on Evil Eye.

"Excuse me," Ron asked. "Any cheerleaders come in tonight?"

"Yeah, about 30 minutes ago. A redhead."

"Where'd you send her?"

"Lemme check my list. Here it is. 3B."

"Dude, you were supposed to send her to 3Z."

"What's your name again?"

"Barkin. Mr. Steve Barkin."

"Ooops. You're right. You are in 3Z. My bad."

Ron rolled his eyes; then something occurred to him. "You wouldn't, by any chance, have rented out 3B, would you?"

"Yeah. To Dr. Drakken. I had to make him pay cash up front. That guy's credit is awful …"

Ron had dashed out of the reception area before the clerk could finish his observation.

XI.

Ron wasn't sure what to do. He had no mission gear. No Kimmunicator. No grappling gun. No jet pack. Not even Rufus. He was on his own. Then he decided that he did have one tool to work with: he had the power of imagination.

XII.

Kim pulled her head back as Drakken approached with the neural compliance chip. She so did not want to do his bidding. Nor did she want to listen to his boring stories about his childhood.

The evil scientist was about to place the chip on her forehead when Kim heard a voice.

"Yo! Blue Boy! Back away. Now!"

Drakken turned around to see a back-lit figure standing in the door. "Shego, we have more company. Deal with our new guest."

"Gladly," she said as she did a somersault and landed with her hands aglow only to find herself face-to-face with … "Oh no …" she said, the little color she had in her face draining away. She had never been able to completely shake the fear of being fed to sharks that the Zorpoxed Ron had instilled in her.

"Hello, Shego! The big dog is back to play! Woof woof!"

"Z-zorpox," she stammered.

"That's right!" Ron said gleefully. "Time to feed the fishies! Boo-yah!"

"Look, I can just be going …" she said, wearing a nervous grin.

"Shego, what's going on here?" Drakken asked. "Oh, it's you. The buffoon. Why are you blue?"

"Because you have what I want: Kimberly Ann Possible!"

"What?"

"And a mind control chip. Badical!" Ron said as he swiped the device from Drakken's delicate hand.

"Hey! That's not fair!" Drakken whined. "That's my chip! I was going to turn Kim Possible into my mind-controlled lackey!"

"Not now you won't, Drewbie!" Ron replied with a sneer. "Once I have Kimberly Ann under my control, I'll have her stealing nacos for me whenever I'm hungry! Booyahahahahaha!

Ron's manic laughter was unnerving Shego.

"Shego …" Drakken said petulantly, annoyed that she wasn't doing anything about their unwanted guest.

"Sorry, Dr. D. I think we ought to let Zorpox here have Princess," she said, backing away to the door before she turned and ran. "Sayanora!"

Drakken looked at Ron, who was now wearing a particularly menacing expression. Then he looked at the door through which Shego had just so hastily exited. The evil scientist decided that he really didn't need to be left alone with someone who could scare off Shego. He darted after her, stopping quickly at the door to turn and cry out, "You think you're all that Ziploc! But you're not!"

"Awww man," Ron said, shaking his head in disgust as he looked at the door. "He couldn't even remember my evil name!"

"Ahem."

Ron turned to see Kim, still shackled.

"Oh, heh, heh, sorry, KP," he said as he approached her.

She cocked an eyebrow. "You sound awfully unsure of yourself … Zorpox."

Ron looked at Kim for a moment before the light bulb went on over his head. "Oh, I wouldn't say that, Kimberly Ann Possible!"

"So, what are you going to do now that you've captured me?" she asked coquettishly.

"Why, I'm going to be a bad boy! Booyahahahahaha!" He approached her and was about to kiss her, then he stopped. Kim looked at him quizzically. "Sorry, KP. The shackles have to go." Ron pressed a button on a nearby console, freeing his girlfriend. Then he smiled. "Of course, I don't need to restrain you Kimberly Ann; you will learn that the power of Zorpox is irresistible," he said as he opened his arms wide and took Kim into an embrace. She looked into his eyes and smiled.

"Irresistible. I so think I can work that," she said. "By the way, before I forget, thanks for saving me, Zorpox" she added.

"Well, Kimberly Ann Possible, there is only one way for you to show your gratitude."

"And what's that?"

"Join me as my sidekick in evil!"

Kim smiled. "Okay. But on one condition," she said, "Enough using my full name!"

Ron gave her a goofy grin. "Gotcha, KP."

"Good," she said before she brought her lips to his.

XIII.

The two teen heroes walked out to their vehicles. Standing by the Possibles' minivan, they faced one another. Ron wrapped his arms around Kim's waist while she draped hers around his neck.

Beaming, she looked at Ron. "Thanks for a great evening, Ron. It was spankin'!"

"My pleasure, KP," he replied before, much to her surprise, he seemed to grow edgy.

Kim could tell he was hiding something. "Okay, spill," she demanded.

"Well," he said wearing a sheepish grin. "I was thinking. I kind of have my own, uh, fantasy …"

"Oh, do tell!" she said enthusiastically.

"Uh, yeah, you see in it I'm the Fearless Ferret. And, uh, well, you're Sheela of the Leopard People …"

"Hmmm. I see," Kim replied, with one eyebrow arched. "So you liked me in the cat suit?"

"Yeah," he admitted, a bit nervous as he now truly appreciated her discomfort back in the tree house.

Kim flashed Ron a wicked smile. "Then, my ferrety foe, I just guess we'll just have to do something about that ..."

_The End._


End file.
